The Art Of Saying No
I know, how can there be an art to saying no? Saying no may come easy to some but if you're laid back and try to avoid confrontation like me, it doesn't come quite easily...
Happy Bank Holiday Monday Everyone!
I just finished reading ‘The Art of Saying No’. I know, it sounds funny saying I read a book about how to say no but the truth is, this is a problem I and many others struggle with. I learnt a lot from this book and want to share a few lessons with you.
Some people are naturally more assertive than others so this may not apply to you. As for people like me, who are laid back and try to avoid confrontation, it doesn't come quite easily. Have you ever found yourself saying yes to help someone and putting yourself on the back burner? Or have you ever found yourself saying yes to helping someone and regretting instantly? It’s difficult to say no because you don’t want to disappoint that friend, family member, or stranger. We naturally feel inclined to help especially when we can.
A key lesson from this book is understanding that every time you say yes to someone, you’re saying no to someone or something else. In economics, they call this ‘opportunity cost’ which is the loss of other alternatives when you choose one. Every time we say no, we get to spend that time and attention on another person, interest, or ourselves.
We often say yes out of guilt. For example, I used to convince myself to say yes to a lot of things, just because I was grateful for the position I was in and I felt inclined to help those who weren’t in the same position. However, givers need to set limits because takers never do. Left to them they’ll take everything!
Saying no often and putting yourself first makes people respect you and your time much more.
Saying no is an act of self-care. As long as you’re respectful to the individual asking for your help, you’re not responsible for the offence taken when you say no.
Note- Make sure that self-care has a higher priority than giving care.
The book also touches on another interesting point- saying no to ourselves:
We are always subject to temptations that threaten to consume our time, money, labor, and other resources. This can be social media, distractions disguised as opportunities, and other people’s priorities. These temptations usually distract us from our goals. Being able to resist them is key to living a healthy, rewarding life.
When you give in to temptations you become a slave to your impulses. The resulting short-term gratification often comes at the expense of long-term fulfillment. The author recommends creating “I don’t, declarative statements to help” ie. if you’re on a diet and you’re tempted with some junk food, you can say “I don’t eat junk food”. When you start resisting temptations with these declarative statements you become the architect of your life built upon healthy intentions.
Saying no is not easy but it’s like a muscle and the more you exercise it the stronger you get and the easier saying no becomes.
That’s all from me today people. Go enjoy the sun and have a great week!
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